Are Kids a “Temporary Project”?

Are Kids a “Temporary Project”?

So I write this as humble as one can be. I don’t have kids, my wife and I definitely want kids, but I don’t have first hand experience in this topic therefore I reach out to you, the Startuup community for advice. Wow, how do I even start this? Well, as a fan of Marriage Today with Jimmy and Karen Evans, I was once taught that your kids are somewhat of a “temporary project” because they may leave the household once they reach 18. For me personally, this holds close to my heart because I did in fact leave Hilo, Hawaii at age of 18 and still till this day live on the mainland away from my family.

What I’m seeing more often than I would like, is that married couples are struggling when their kids leave home. Some couples have gotten so used to putting their kids first and forgotten about their marriage with one another, that once their kids leave, they are left with a feeling of “who is this person that I am married to?” If you truly think about a lot of people that you personally know, many of them have gotten married in their 20’s so this feeling and experience are hitting them in their late 30’s or early 40’s.

As mentioned before, I am humble in writing this because I know personal friends of mine who would take a lethal bullet rather than seeing their daughters or sons get hurt. My wife and I are hoping that one day we can share in that feeling that they feel. We can only imagine the love one feels towards a child and pray that we get to experience that in our lifetime.

The more I think about it, the more I am leaning toward the side of Pastor Jimmy Evan’s lesson. As mentioned in other posts, I’m not here trying to promote a religion. I am simply repeating the lessons that I have learned in hopes that others may relate to this. He did though mention that my first love should be God, then the close second should be your spouse. I cannot forget that it’s my wife that I vowed to “for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part”. Nowhere in my wedding vows did it say that I would put my children first so therefore I’m at a point in my life where I’m starting to lean toward always putting my wife before my kids.

I’m definitely one to analyze everything. I’m a guy, I’m sorry I can’t help it. But the more I think about it, the more I’m starting to love my wife more and more. Hypothetically, I met her years before kids and I will be with her years after my children leave our household. To be honest, I can see why 25 and 50 year anniversaries are so sentimental.

If I really take this article personally and look at my life, I can say that it truly is your spouse that you should dedicate your life to. Wow, I am though still torn on what the right answer is. My best friends say that they would do anything…..and I mean anything for their children, but I wonder if many people tend to forget that it’s your spouse that you vowed to take care of till the end of time. Like I said, I guess I will find out when my wife and I do experience that miracle of starting a family but this is something that I truly am torn by at the moment.

So what do I break this article down to? Okay if I had to go on my gut instinct on this day and at this time, I would say that your spouse is more important than your children. Now if I look at it long term, I would wish that my wife and I spend a lifetime together to personally show our children what sacrifice, love, and commitment is about. But since we don’t have any children at the time of this post, I can’t fill in the other aspect of what unconditional love is for a child is like.

With 52% of all marriages ending in divorce, I’m not one to challenges proven odds, but I do feel strongly that while raising your children, one must not forget about their spouse. I guess that’s the true topic of this post as I’m very happy that I get to learn from my friends and family about raising children while keeping your marriage “alive”. But I also realize that every relationships, every family, every situation is different. This is probably one topic that like many others, my wife and I will just have to learn and adapt to.


Feel free to comment below as I know this article may come off the wrong way but I would love to hear what your thoughts are. Thanks so much for taking the time to read this article as I’m hoping this helps others as well.




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