A Man Who Can Listen…….is a Super Hero!!!! :)

A Man Who Can Listen…….is a Super Hero!!!! :)

I laugh to myself as I start to write this because I originally wanted to write about a few topics about relationships and marriage but then once I decided on this topic, I knew this one topic would be enough. I truly feel as though almost everyone in a long term relationship can relate to this. “Just listening”, could possibly be one of the hardest thing a guy can do. You would think just listening, not saying anything, and did I mention just listening would be so easy for a human being. Just sit there; just listen. Simple right? Well ladies, it’s not that simple and it’s something that may take men a while to master. Be patient with us as I try to explain a little more in detail.

Now as mentioned, with our blog there’s nothing to hide. I struggle with this in my marriage and I’m sure I’m not the only one who does. I also have to give you fair warning that I was born and raised in Hilo, Hawaii, so if my sentences come out sounding as if I have a slight slang….it’s probably because I do:)

Now allow me to try to explain my mindset about this topic. I can honestly say that I’m programmed in a way that if someone comes to me complaining or asking advice about a problem, I immediately start to think of solutions. Problem + Solutions = Problem Solved. Yes ladies, I know, first big mistake. Allow me to explain the reason why I do that. First, I feel as though something that may seem so outrageous or so complicated can be fixed if certain steps are taken. I mean imagine that; taking a few steps and finding solutions to an issue will allow you to never experience that problem again, in turn creating a better and less stressful life for you. Eureka!

Next, I truly feel as though there are so many other problems that we face on a daily basis that any opportunity to get rid of lingering challenges should be taken advantage of. Why pile it on and add to the other stresses and challenges that life may throw at you?

I’ll admit, and my amazing wife knows this, but I honestly want to fix things because as harsh as it sounds, I sometimes simply don’t want to hear about it in the future knowing that if we just had taken a few steps, the problem would be solved. Men, learn from my mistakes and here’s where lessons can be learned.

My wife has explained to me that she already knows the answers to the problem she has brought to my attention. Surprise, surprise! She has already spoken to 5 of her friends about it for hours at a time but miraculously has enough energy to want to talk to me about it since I’m her intimate partner in life. She ultimately just wants to be heard, may want to vent at times, and just wants to be comforted. She wants to feel as though she has a partner that she can connect with and someone who she can share her day with. And guys, don’t think that your wife won’t find someone else that listens to her better than you do.

So how can you learn to just listen? Simple. Pray for super powers. Just kidding. What has helped me is to:

1. Really learn how to let her get it all out without trying to fix the problem. I think it’s called “Just Listening”.

2. Let her vent all she wants and be engaged in the conversation.

3. Learn how to be empathetic.

4. This may sound silly but take deep breathes, fight yourself to not say anything, and stay focused. 

5. Learn how to be compassionate and control your frustration. 

6. And finally learn and trust that she already knows the answers to the problem. Trust in that she will eventually “fix the problem” on her own and you will probably never hear about it again. 

Trust in that it may take a lifetime to master this but if we all start now, we could possibly start improving our relationships and marriages. I’m sure there will be more blogs like this as my wife and I go through this amazing journey called Married Life together. I’m thankful for her patience, thankful for her, and did I mention thankful for her patience? 🙂 Remember, there are three certainties in life. Death. Taxes. And if you always try to fix things, it’s highly likely you’ll be sleeping on the couch a lot.

P.S – I kindly ask you share this with your friends who are married but most of all, I leave you with a short video explaining what I just wrote above:)

Blayne

26 Comments

  • Specs Price

    And it takes patience and endurance to be a listening man, you know women can get your thoughts messed up sometimes.

    • startuup

      Patience is so key……I’ve got the battle scars to prove it:)

    • startuup

      Haha! Love it! Being a guy, we think we can read minds……..but it never works out for me in the end as I was waayyyyy off thinking I could predict what my wife was thinking! LOL!

  • Steve

    Haha I loved this whole article and the video at the end is just such an awesome ending 🙂 Thanks for making me smile

    • startuup

      IT’S NOT ABOUT THE NAIL!! haha! Trust in that I’m still learning to figure that out:)

  • Veera

    Totally agree with every word! Loved this!

    • startuup

      Thanks Veera:) Please share with me any advice you may have as I love learning about anything that makes my life easier:)

  • Onyinyechi

    This is so wonderful! Listening is key. Both men and women should practice this. Quickly sharing with the hubby.

    • startuup

      Thanks!! So true in that listening is key……it truly is hard for men I have to admit. But with anything else in life, like you said, practice makes permanence. Love each other unconditionally and don’t always try to be right is what I’m still learning. Glad that you’re sharing with the hubby as this is the exact reason this site was created:)

  • Dusica

    Haha, As a girl I agree with you totally 🙂 Poor guys with us 🙂

  • Puppy Snuggles

    Reading this I immediately thought of the nail video… and there is was at the end of your post!

    A key to listening, I think, is listen to understand, not listen to respond. Restate and paraphrase what the person said to show that you’re not zoning out. Ask questions to clarify. Sometimes you can combine those two – for instance “So you were on your way home?”

    • startuup

      I can’t agree with you more!! Listening to understand and not to respond is soooo hard for me but I know it must be done. #marriedlife:)

  • Kathrin

    Hi Blayne,

    as a woman, I highly appreciate what you explain here. I like to know more details about the typical “man trouble” and I like to see how you try to understand women in general and especially your wife. That is how a marriage will last long. All the best! Kathrin

    • startuup

      Thanks so much Kathrin! My wife and I are like everyone else out there….we go through our good times and times of disagreements. What I’m learning…and learning fast is that men and women are “wired” so differently. But it holds so true in that her strengths are my weaknesses, and vice versa. Thanks so much for taking the time to visit Startuup:)

    • startuup

      I’ve got the battle scars of my mistakes made in the past of doing so;) Thanks Deena for the kind words and for taking the time to read this article:)

  • brittany

    I’m not sure about a super hero but it is definitely out of the ordinary when a man does listen! Great blog!

    • startuup

      For me when I “just listen” to my wife, I feel like a Super Hero! haha! jk!

  • Nadica

    Definitely keys for a good relationship are trust, patience and listening. That video is very funny.

  • Addison Messer

    So, being a listening wife can be tough too, especially when you are extremely visual and have trouble retaining audio input. Ironically, I have found audiobooks to be helpful for me. It uses a part of the brain that is not normally exercised so to speak.

  • Sally (Flying Food Ninja)

    Should pass this on to more men in the world. Very well written! Love the Superman pic at the beginning as well!

    • startuup

      Thanks! That’s the goal:) …….loving your site! I’ll take 10 orders of that Sushi Bento Lunch in Qatar!

  • Hannah Palamara

    Yes! Listening is a skill that is hard to master but so worth it. My husband and I took a class on listening skills and it was one of the best things ever.

  • Matt

    Soooo true. I’m a fellow fixer and my wife hates it, but surely it would just be easier. But in reality, I have learnt to listen when the time is right so I guess you could say I’m properly trained!

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